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Understanding,
Resolving and Preventing Conflict
Cultivating Biblical Solutions with Conflict
Conflict is a Reality, Even in a Church!
This is the introductory
article in the series.
Matthew 5:9; Luke
6:27-36; Galatians 5:19-26; Philippians 2:3-6;
Colossians 1:17-20; 3:12-17
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain
conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of
you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the
interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ
Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God
something to be grasped.
Philippians 2:3-6
A reality TV producer who went to a church I
attended told me that conflict makes good TV. Then she said
conflict does not make good life. Conflict is a part of life.
Perhaps it is the least favorite part of life; nevertheless, we will all
experience it if we experience other people in our lives. We will have
run-ins with people and their ideas and wills that will come into
conflict with our own ideas and wills. It is as if you are driving down
a road that you thought you owned and are the only one on it going your
way and exercising your will and self-determination when, wham,
you hit another car. Where did that car come from? Why is it on my
road; how do I resolve this and move on? Do I keep hitting it so it goes
away, or do I design a road so both of us can travel on it in opposite
directions so we do not converge by accident again? Dealing with
this in a biblical way will be the hallmark of keeping and maintaining
long-term relationships, a happier workplace, a kinder and more
comfortable church, and solving some of life’s most difficult problems.
We
Have to Realize We Will Have Conflict
We will come across various disagreements,
misunderstandings, and distinctions with various views of moral and
value stands with one another that will converge in our relationships.
To illustrate this, we tend to see life as our own car on our own
personal road, and then when we come in contact with another car, we
wonder why that other car is on our road! Then the conflict emerges. You
wonder why the other car is going in the wrong direction. The driver of
the other car wonders the same about you! The car represents our ideas,
assumptions, and experiences in life, and the road represents our plans,
goals, and way. We will realize there are more and more cars on what we
thought was our road. We will have disagreements concerning our values,
our political understandings, and our aspirations, and these principles
will not match up with those of others. Consequently, we have more
opportunities for conflict today that would have been unheard of in
years past. We now have a greater urgency to manage our relationships
with care and veracity in order to deal with such convergences. If not,
we will crash, and our relationships may not recover unless we are able
to have a goal or some kind of a plan to drive that car safely on a road
with directions and signs that can be shared with other cars.
A church will just be going about its
business, then suddenly wham and crash! People are arming themselves for
battle, choosing sides, and indulging in their pride. Personalities and
self-determination take control of the situation and seek their own over
sound reasoning, the truth, and call of our Lord. So, arguments of
persuasion with the skewing of truth produce self-directed outcomes,
which come against the peaceful church. And, its peace is no longer;
full-blown war has broken out. It can start with one gossiper and
escalate where emotions rise and logic ceases. Do we dare to tread and
calm these waters? Maybe with the right attitude and guidance from God’s
Word, we can give a win/win outcome that is best for all people
involved. Then, when we are focused on the mission, the purpose of being
a Christian, and being a Christ-filled church, we can create a church
free of conflict.
There are conflicts with various views of
moral and value stands today that would have been unheard of in years
past. The leadership of the church must be prepared to deal with people
not having values and focus in their lives and no moral centers and
absolutes to govern them. Even Christians who grew up in the church will
come back from college and life experiences with views they were not
brought up with and when thrust into a power position, will produce
conflict. They may even deny the existence of the God of the Bible,
replacing Him with a mystic force or idea, but still hold onto their
church without the faith.
Conflict is Normal
Conflict is a normal spice of life, and an
outgrowth of our sinful nature over which we are supposed to have
dominion. God warned Cain that sin was “crouching at your door,”
that he needed to master it or it would overtake and destroy him. Cain
did not listen to God, only to his anger and inclinations, and the first
interpersonal conflict resulted in the taking of the first life.
Conflict is
something we all are capable of causing. Conflict is also something we
are called to master and be involved in its ending. Just as with any
sin, we have the natural desire to sin but we also have the natural
ability not to. Even the non-Christian has the ability not to sin but,
as far as I know, no one in the entire human history has ever gone
without sinning with the exception of Christ. Calvin taught that
non-Christians have the civil ability to follow the Law (Civil), and
this is the reason why they do good works without being saved. Thus, we
should take heed to our responsibility as Christians for what God calls
us to. One thing God does not call us to is conflict and strife, even
though the non-Christian may think differently because of our actions.
Conflict is not always something evil or bad.
We must remember that God will allow all things to work for good for His
glory. Sometimes, a church can split and then there are two and so
forth, a way of church planting. Sometimes, conflict draws people
together for a cause and perspective. Conflict can open opportunities
and communities and bring them together, but we are not to cause
conflict for this effect. Well-managed conflict can be healthy and
inspire growth to the church and to people spiritually. When a person
sins, is disciplined, and then comes out with repentance, he or she
grows and becomes more effective for Christ versus if there was no
discipline and he or she kept on sinning.
Conflict is a Responsibility
Our first
responsibility is to realize the diseases we inflict onto and upon one
another by our sinful nature—the gossip, slander, anger, factions—their
causes and cures. We also need to remember that love covers a multitude
of sin. Love is the first fruit from which all the other fruits derive
(Gal. 5) and sanctification is our growth in Christ. Our salvation is
the result of love for which the redemption of Christ paid. So, if you
are a bitter person, then you discover love, the bitterness is muted and
will be erased by seeking the forgiveness of Christ. Then, the fruit is
to go to others whom we have offended, so to seek their forgiveness;
conflict terminated. When we are full of pride, the polar opposite of
love, we will be unable to manage conflict effectively and only spread
it out of our pride. We need to keep our focus and the baseline for all
we do on the love of Christ.
Conflict can be resolved and prevented by
prayer and being in His Word. The key is the willingness to follow a
biblical plan, be in prayer, and operate in the Fruit of the Spirit; by
this, you will have a win-win situation, or at the very least, stop the
escalation of hostility.
·
Realize and commit to our Lord and
honor Him. We do this by operating in godly character and bringing
Christ into the situation (1 Cor. 10:31)!
·
Examine yourself to make sure you did
not offend. And, if so, be open, honest, and seek forgiveness and
reconciliation (Matt. 7:5).
·
Ask in prayer, Lord, how can I show
You and Your precepts in this situation (Matt. 5:24)?
·
Be committed to restore relationships
with grace, forgiveness, and love (Gal. 6:1).
Read through the articles and look up the
Bible passages in this series, and you will have your plan!
Principle Scriptures
on How to Understand, Solve, and Prevent Conflict:
Genesis 4; Psalm 37:4; Proverbs 3:4-6; 18:13; Matthew 5:9; 7:5;
15:18-20; 18: 15-20; Luke 6:27-36; 19:1-9; Romans 8:28-29; 1 Corinthians
6:1-8; 10:31-11:1; 13; Galatians 5; Ephesians 4:22-32; 5:1; Philippians
2:3-6; 4:2-9; Colossians 1:17-20; 3:12-17 James 4:1-3; 1 John 14:15
1
Why We have Conflicts: Joshua
22:10-34; Mark 12:30-31; Romans 8; 1 Corinthians 7; 1 Peter 1: 13-16;
James 4:1-4
2
Types of Conflict: Proverbs 16:18;
Mark 3:25; Galatians 6:1-5
3
Proper Attitude and Motives: Romans
12:17-21
4
Be Prepared Spiritually: Romans
12:17-21
5
Cultivating a Biblical Solution:
Proverbs 3:4; Matthew 7:3-4; 15:18-19; James 5:16
6
Essential Points: Psalm 103:12;
Proverbs 11:29; 15:12; 32; 19:11; Isaiah 43:25; Matthew 15:19; 18:15;
Luke 15:11-24; 17:3; 1 Corinthians 6:1-8; 13:5; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10;
Galatians 2:20-21; 6:1,9; Philippians 2:4-5; Colossians 3:12-14; James
1:19-25
7
ABC’s of Conflict Communication:
Proverbs 19:11; Ephesians 4:29; Matthew 18:15-17
8
You Are Christ’s Loved One: 2
Corinthians 12:9-10
9
Conflict is Opportunity: 1 Corinthians
6:1-8
10
Listening: Proverbs 28:13; James
1:19-25; 1 John 1:8-9
11
Understand Forgiveness: Psalm 103:12;
Isaiah 43:25; 1 Corinthians 13:5; Colossians 3:12-14
12
Communication: Luke 15:11-24
13
Commit to a Positive Solution or
Understanding: James 4:1-12; Matthew 15:18-19
14
Break Down the Issue: Matthew 7:12;
22:39; Romans 12:18; 1 Corinthians 13:5; Philippians 2:3-4; 2 Timothy
2:24-26; 1 Peter 1:13-14
15
Marriage Problem: Matthew 7:3-5; 2
Corinthians 3:18
16
Agreeing to Disagree: Romans 12:17-18
17
Dealing with Difficult People: 1
Samuel 24:1-22; Psalm 10; 37; Isaiah 59:1-2; Matthew 5:48; Luke 6:27-31;
Romans 3:23; 6:23; 12:14-21; Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 3:1-4; Hebrews
12:6; 1 Peter 2:12 -19; 3:15b-16
18
Satan Thrives on Conflict: Romans
8:12-14; James 4:7-8
19
Preventing Conflict: Jeremiah 2:13;
John 4:10
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